A Father's Dilemma
by The Mouse of Anon
Summary: "I wanted something better for you Kakarott. You and Raditz both." Bardock being a father and brooding over his children's future. Warning: Contains mention of slash and mpreg. Rated T to be safe due to some language. C&C is appreciated.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything DBZ except for my own weird ideas, stories, and random various characters I come up with (none of which appear in my DBZ fics). So yeah, you want to sue me? Too freakin' bad. I'm so broke you probably wouldn't get anything but a couple of pennies out of me anyway. Alas, this is what college does to you.

**Author's Note:** Okay, this was born out of several things- 1) There are nowhere near enough _good_ stories having to do with Bardock. 2) There's practically _nothing_ I've seen in the way of portraying Bardock as being an actual dad- and no, I don't buy that 'Saiyans are evil and didn't care about sending their babies off to other worlds without really seeing them more than once' crap. I also don't believe that a _newborn_ would be sent off. That's just freaking ridiculous, so Goku was at least a few months (if not a year) old when he was sent to Earth. 3) My solution to Goku and Raditz's parentage. 4) The fact that Goku's mother isn't seen even _once_ in the Bardock special. 5) The ridiculous ratio of men-to-women as seen in the Bardock special, as well as Bardock's blatant fondness for Toma. 6) The lack of _any_ fanfics that are listed for Toma.

Yes, this fic contains mention of slash and mpreg- _but it makes sense_. I made damned sure to make it make as much sense as possible, so no; my 'yaoifying' DBZ isn't completely arbitrary. To be honest I'm normally against mpreg, simply because most authors fail to make it be remotely sensible. All of that aside, this fic has more to do with Bardock _actually_ being a good dad instead of acting like a heartless bastard. Also, except for Toma, I use the English-translation names for Bardock's crew simply because I like them more. Now that I've forewarned all of you, don't come crying to me if you don't like the idea of two men being together and _actually_ being good parents. Otherwise read, enjoy, and review. C&C is greatly appreciated, but no flames.

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Bardock looked through the glass separating him and his youngest son, a palm against the cold surface and a frown on his face. He'd taken off the scouter from where it normally rested, not wanting to see that damnable text telling him of his son's weakness. He loved him; he really did, but in a universe where Frieza ruled Bardock couldn't help feeling that his baby would only end up being cannon fodder for the tyrant's ambitions. Resting his forehead against the glass he murmured, the puffs of his breath steaming the glass, "I wanted something better for you Kakarott. You and Raditz both. I didn't want it to be like this. I _never_ wanted it to be like this."

Kakarott slept on, heedless of his father's mood. Bardock wished that he could guarantee that peace, but what chance did he stand against forces that were stronger than the king? How could he protect his children from Frieza when he himself would never stand a chance? Both of his hands curled into fists as he trembled at the thought. If the Saiyans defied Frieza, Frieza would kill them all. He'd kill the king, he'd kill the queen, he'd kill the royal sons, and then he'd kill any Saiyan with pride enough to stand up to him regardless of the fact that it was suicide.

'_What was I _thinking_ having another child? It was risk enough having Raditz, but Kakarott… At least Raditz is capable enough to have been promoted to Prince Vegeta's bodyguard and advisor when he was fourteen- and he's kept it for a good two years now. He's got resourcefulness to back up his strength, but without that strength… Others mock the weak as "damsels" as is. As weak as Kakarott is, he'd get that regardless, but with Frieza around… my baby…'_ Bardock gritted his teeth, trying to bite back the scream building in his chest at the thought of any number of things that could happen to his son. Among Saiyans, before Frieza, while the weak might have been teased they were always protected from those that would harm them. Since Frieza's arrival any with weak power-levels that had the misfortune of being sent out tended to die excruciatingly painful deaths or, and this was by far the worst, were subjugated and used for others' 'pleasure' until they were too worn out and broken to be of use. The thought that his youngest son, his baby, could suffer that fate made Bardock want to fly into a berserker fury and kill anyone that dared threaten the innocent boy for a moment.

The boy's damnable mother hadn't exactly been a help either. No, if anything she'd been ready to abandon him without even taking a glance at him on the day he was born. Hell, she took one look at Kakarott after he was born and just about got up from her bed to leave the hospital. Her last words to Bardock had been nothing less acidic than, "Well there you have it Bardock. The brat is all yours now. Take him and get the hell out of my sight."

It had been hell for Bardock to convince the wench to _not_ get the abortion she'd threatened to get all throughout her pregnancy, so the merest thought of her was usually enough to make Bardock put a fist through a wall. Perhaps in some ways Bardock was more sentimental than Kakarott's _carrier_, but he just hadn't been able to let her get away with casually eliminating his son when she announced that she was pregnant. _'That's what I get for getting stupidly drunk and not being careful- impregnating a woman that wants nothing to do with being a parent and who couldn't give a damn less about her offspring.'_

Though he never wanted to admit it, Bardock felt guilty over how Kakarott came to be. He couldn't help wondering if maybe his youngest was so weak because he hadn't been born out of genuine love, or if maybe the fact that Bardock and _that woman_ had been drunk when he was conceived had caused it. "One drunken night Kakarott," Bardock whispered, watching the rise and fall of his sleeping son's chest, "One drunken night and you've been in danger ever since." Forcing his hands to smooth out against the glass, he numbly noted the sting where his nails had bitten into his palms. "I'm sorry," he breathed.

He blamed himself. He blamed himself even though he knew there was nothing for which he realistically could be blamed. He couldn't be blamed for _her_ reaction to finding out she was pregnant. He couldn't be blamed that they happened to be so sodding drunk that having a one-night-stand hadn't sounded as taboo as it normally would have been for him. He couldn't be blamed for the fact that Frieza had taken control and posed such a danger to them all. No, he couldn't be blamed; but he still blamed himself for his youngest son's weakness.

What else did he have to compare Kakarott's existence to? He only had Raditz as a prior example of having had a child, and Raditz hadn't been threatened from conception. _'Then again, _I _was the one carrying Raditz and he was wanted by _both_ of his parents,'_ Bardock thought to himself wryly. Toma had begged him not to hang around outside the hospital nursery and brood like this, but Bardock found it difficult to follow his mate's request. Kakarott was in there, Bardock was the father, and Toma wasn't the other biological parent. It was all so _wrong_ for what they'd wanted… Images of the peace he'd dreamed of ever since he had first realized Toma had gotten him pregnant with his eldest son danced through his mind. It was a peace he wanted, and a peace he could never have.

Giving a sigh he gently thumped his forehead against the glass. _'I feel like an old nester- always worrying over something and acting like I don't have any ambitions beyond keeping my family clean and fed… If any of my crew saw me like this they'd be laughing behind their hands. "Bardock the House-Mate"… Hell, even my parents would call me that if they saw me now.'_ A snort of self-disgust pulled itself from him. For not the first time he wondered how different his life would have been if his race hadn't had the Women's Death Crisis all those centuries ago. _'I might have been fairly similar, but I sure as hell wouldn't have been able to get pregnant… Or have Raditz… One damn disease released by the Tuffles and the entire world was changed. Not that I mind. Because of it I have my eldest, and I can have more with Toma if things work out right…' _Thumping his head against the glass a little bit harder he grumbled under his breath, "I hate being in mid-cycle." A hand suddenly landed on his shoulder without warning, causing Bardock to flinch in surprise.

"Are you brooding again?" Toma asked, his tone a mixture of concern and amusement.

Bardock didn't answer at first, a scowl that didn't quite come off as irate as he wanted it to appearing on his face. "Didn't I tell you not to sneak up on me like that?" he snapped half-heartedly.

Toma arched an eyebrow, unimpressed by his mate's attempt at acting as if nothing serious was bothering him. "Funny. I wasn't aware I was sneaking. In fact I was pretty sure I was being as heavy-footed and loud as Shugesh at a drinking party."

"You weren't," Bardock insisted. Toma was never that loud; he always had almost inaudible footsteps unless he was stomping the whole way or deliberately trying to get Bardock's attention by vibrating the floor as strongly as he could without causing structural damage.

"Yes I was. You were just being oblivious again and hiding off in 'I-must-brood-about-everything land'. And knowing you… You were probably brooding about either Kakarott's _carrier_ again, or our kids' future… unless you were just so taken with your reflection that you felt the need to get as close to it as possible." Despite his teasing tone, Toma's right hand moved from Bardock's shoulder to lace through the shorter Saiyan's hair and dance over his scalp in an attempt to calm him.

Bardock snarled, but there wasn't any heart in it. He didn't like admitting to any frailty or being oblivious, but there was no hiding anything from Toma. The older Saiyan knew him far too well for him to hide anything for long.

"So… Are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

"…You've already guessed," Bardock grudgingly admitted.

"So you're taken with your reflection and I have to fear competition from a bout of narcissism?" he teased.

Almost against Bardock's will, a smile of amusement tugged at his lips. "Oh yes, I'm so abso-freaking-lutely in love with myself that you can't possibly compete- _Really_. No… it's the other part."

"Ah. So fretting over the bitch and our kids again," Toma said knowingly as his hand moved to massage at the base of Bardock's skull. The scientist tended to have a problem with tension headaches when he was stressed, so Toma knew quite well that if the tension in his neck were eased that he might relax a bit more.

Again, Bardock didn't reply at first, simply watching his sleeping son through the glass. When he finally spoke it was quiet, as though he didn't want to say it out loud, but felt the need for Toma to know. "I feel like an old nester."

Toma's hand stilled on Bardock's neck as the older and taller Saiyan tried desperately not to laugh. His mate was a growl-y sort and wasn't often given to any sort of feminine behavior (from a Saiyan standard), so the fact that he admitted to briefly feeling like one of the more effeminate of their race pushed Toma dangerously close to doubling over and laughing himself senseless. Still, he knew better than to give into the temptation; Bardock's pride would have been wounded enough that Toma could look forward to a month on the couch if he gave so much as a chuckle. As soon as he collected himself enough to speak without laughing, he said, "An 'old nester'? Since when were you that effeminate?"

"…Since I'm in mid-cycle," Bardock grumbled.

"And…?" This time Bardock did scowl. "Come on Bardock, tell me. It'll make you feel better," Toma persisted, resuming the massage of his mate's neck.

Giving a sigh, the scientist caved. Bardock might have been stubborn, but there was no way he could out-stubborn Toma. "…And I'm brooding," he stated flatly.

"…Is that a pout?"

Bardock pulled away from the glass to snap his head to the side and glared at Toma, a snarl of irritation tugging at his lips. Toma wisely removed his hand from his mate's neck; he'd been bitten by Bardock before and didn't particularly care for a repeat.

"Alright, alright! You're not pouting!" Toma said, putting his hands up in a placating gesture.

Bardock gave a snort and turned his gaze back to Kakarott. "Damned right I'm not pouting."

"…Good to see you're back to normal."

"…"

"Are you _still_ brooding?"

"…"

"Oh _come on!_ I'm here! What reason do you have to brood?"

"…You know perfectly well why."

Giving an aggravated sigh, Toma stalked away from Bardock to the nursery door. Pulling it open he headed straight for Kakarott, gently scooped him up, and headed right back out to his mate. Offering their sleepy youngest to the scientist, Toma snapped, "Stop brooding about the future and hold your son already!"

Bardock gave a bewildered stare, not having expected Toma to disrupt his train of thought so thoroughly. "Toma-"

"Take your son already. He's here _now_, he's waking up _now_, and his father has no time to brood when there's a baby wide-awake and in need of attention," he retorted, his tail lashing the air behind him.

Bardock hesitated, but then gladly took Kakarott in his arms. The effect was almost instantaneous; all of his tension and concerns for the future bled away. As long as either he or Toma, or even Raditz, were there for Kakarott then he'd be safe from whatever came his way. Looking up from Kakarott to lock gazes with Toma, Bardock muttered, "You and your damned talent for knowing exactly how to make me stop worrying."

Toma beamed at his mate and stated cheekily, "You said it yourself, it's a talent. Besides, it's my job. If I can't keep you from brooding excessively and making yourself depressed, who can?"

The younger man snorted in amusement as he retorted, "Your cousin."

"What? Fasha? No way! You had a drunken night with one woman, and I'll grant you that because you weren't in your right mind at the time- but even remotely insinuating that you'd cheat on me with my cousin?" Toma squawked in a rather undignified manner.

Bardock smirked, his tail freely flicking through the air as he turned his back on Toma and started walking for their quarters with Kakarott in his arms, the baby staring up at him in happy fascination. "I don't know. She's a lot less obnoxious sometimes. Better than my 'brooding excessively', wouldn't you agree?"

"I may not 'forbid' you from doing a lot of things, but I forbid you from going after my cousin. That would just be wrong on more levels than I can even begin to describe!" Toma growled as he followed Bardock down the hall.

"And my 'brooding'?" Bardock smiled as he held Kakarott close and nuzzled him.

"You're forbidden from that too!"

No, the future wasn't ideal. Frieza was out there, and the universe wasn't exactly at its safest, but Bardock had little doubt that his children would come out alright in the end. He and Toma would do everything they could to ensure it.

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Review please. The button's right there, so it's not that hard to do. It would make Bardock happy.

Bardock: …Leave me out of this…


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